Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Bachelor Review: Finale

• First thing's first. He proposed! He didn’t run the other way.
• He chose America’s sweetheart, Emily.
• I was honestly stunned when he chose Emily. My pick was Chantal, because I thought Emily was way too good for him. Brad is a zero. I mean really!
• Both Chantal and Emily met Brad’s Family.
• Chantal played smart and didn’t booby it up as much as usual for his family.
• We learned that Brad has two brothers that are not nearly as good looking as he is. Not sure why Brad ended up with all the anger issues?
• Brad’s family is kind of normal. That was disappointing.
• Chantal once again faces her fears and goes under water with the sharks. (You’ve never seen a sexier wetsuit wearer, than our Chantal. She sure does love her boobs!)
• Poor Chantal is willing to get eaten by sharks for Brad and in the end, it still wasn’t enough. Don’t worry; we hear she already moved on.
• Brad’s mom liked Chantal, but LOVED Emily. Emily’s mother card won them all over.
• Emily gets a windy, noisy date and has to eat her hair the whole time. Come on ABC, give her a fun date!
• Chantal walked out of the limo first, wearing a black dress.
• The symbolism was as appropriate as it gets. With the booby devil wearing black and the sweet angel in a light peach. How could it have gone any other way?
• Why does he always have to go through his scripted speeches? He’s boring.
• When Emily walked up I just wanted him to get on one knee and ask the question. Why the drawn out speeches?
• An embarrassing confession. I was honestly happy for them for about 60 whole seconds.
• A few minutes later, to our dismay, we learn that Brad and Emily have already had problems. What?! That never happens? Look at the three successful couples that have come out of this uplifting show over the last 15 seasons. We did not see this coming.
• The after the rose ceremony was painful to watch. Emily and Brad do not need to hash out the painful details to all of us. Didn’t they know we wanted a fairy tale ending? If we wanted something realistic in our lives none of us would follow this train wreck of a show religiously. I mean really!
• Chris H. your hair looks stupid. Did you forget what year you were born in?
• Oh Brad, you say you have no regrets? You mean when you slept with Chantal even when you knew you loved Emily.. You don’t regret that?
• Emily, honey…. Did you not know he would be with other women on this sleazy show?
• Emily, honey… we liked you when you were classy and now you’re airing your dirty laundry for all of America to smell, and it smells like Brad has anger problems and you should leave.
• Oh, but wait, maybe not what with the wise advice from Trista, Jason and Ali, maybe you guys have a shot. Or not.
• Trista (the Bachelor Godmother) lives for appearances like this. Her husband Ryan was surprisingly chatty and provided us with many useless analogies. Lesson learned, next time, ABC will just invite Trista.
• Ali and Roberto are not going to make it. I mean really!
• Jason and Molly. Puke!
• And they all lived happily ever after.


  1. Again. . . BRAVO Lindy! I hate myself for watching this stupid show. Never again, right?!?

  2. I loved this season, so funny and so "uplifting"........ok not so much but really funny:)

  3. Haha! You are such a funny writer. I didn't really watch the show (caught the half of 2 episodes), but I love reading your updates. So, it's not working out for them? Too bad. But, like you said, what did they expect? You only go on the bachelor if you want to become famous or you have relationship problems.
    Love it!
    What will you do now?

  4. Love it Lindy! I hear Ashley the straddler with the over bleached enamel is up next! That season should make for loads of great fun!

  5. You nailed it again! I was totally right, it was too predictable, especially after she met his mother. Of course there are going to be problems you technically haven't even dated yet...oh well, what's Reality tv without a little drama. What will I have to look forward to on Tuesdays now, without your reviews?

  6. This made me laugh out loud. I cherish our bachelor moments:)

  7. I think I enjoy your posts as much as I enjoy the show (maybe more)!