Monday, January 16, 2012

Bachelor Review: Episode 3

They are all being whisked off to San Francisco. Ben says it is because the girls need to know more about where he is from in case one of them lives there one day. Ben, sweetie, I think it’s because ABC is on a bit of a budget. Turns out I’m the only one tuning in this season.

His sister looks better this season than last.

Chris H. shows up to explain the rules. Which are, if you get a rose you stay if you don’t you leave. Thanks for clarifying Chris. Again, that would we do without you?

Emily gets the one on one. She raised a lot of well thought out questions; she is a PhD student you know. What should I wear? Is he going to like me? Emily the two questions you need to ask. Am I loose enough to keep up with Blakley? Am I bitchy (or as Ben put it down to earth) enough to keep Courtney out of the ring?

And now a quote from Courtney, “Some of these girls are really well educated but they can be a little boring.” Oh Courtney you are going to have to be a lot prettier if you’re going to talk like that.

Emily and Ben climb to the top of the Bay Bridge. And like every season before they assimilate the experience to a having a successful relationship. Well, yes, there have been a lot of successful relationships from this.

Emily gets nervous… his kiss saves the day… oh my, does this guy think he’s in a Disney movie. Damsel in distress, strapping strong prince rescues her in the form of a kiss.

At the dinner, Ben wears lip-gloss and Emily talks about how her online dating experiences lead her to her brother… Okay now we have two movie ideas…though I don’t think Disney could endorse this one.

Ben concludes the date, “Words can’t describe.” Apparently the word ‘perfect’ can because between the two of you used that word as many times as ‘journey’ and that’s saying something.

Why did they have to take off their dresses to go skiing? A bunch of women skiing down the streets of San Fran in bikinis… It was a good day to be a homeless man in San Fran. ABC will probably spin this and call it charity work.

“Kacie B. sparkles.” I know she does, Ben, she wearing sequins.

Brittany decides to go home. Her Grandma is going to be so disappointed. I liked her, she seems like she had a little class, which is exactly why she can’t stay. This show lends itself to trash not class. ABC I just came up with your new tag line. You’re welcome.

Rachel got a rose. Monica cried. Oh Mon, take heart, there’s always Blakley.

By the way, is his hair getting worse?

Lindzi got the one on one… they do the classic private concert. I think a private concert would be awkward, but then again the idea of my boyfriend dating 20 other women also seems awkward, I suppose a private concert would be the least awkward experience this show has to offer.  

Did Ben really play the piano? Nah, they probably got a double for that shot.

This show continues to be a timeless classic of good versus Evil. Obviously Courtney is the Evil.  

The mystery woman is…drum roll… Shawntel… from Brad’s season, you know, the one who tried to embalm Brad… I know, it’s crazy that she got kicked off after playing; Brad, this- is- what- I’m- going- to- do- to- your- body- when- I- kill- you.  

I know what you’re thinking, it’s not fair that she can just walk on, but people, you’re dealing with Chris Harrison and he is one rule barking, big watching wearing, sun of a gun. Yes he is.

Ben was about to pass out the last rose, but before he does he begins to deliver a heart- felt speech which was interrupted by Erica, the law student, when she passed out. I’m not kidding!

Once Erica was able to stand the ceremony continued, the show must go on.  

It got even better! He didn’t hand out the rose at all. Jacquelyn, Erica and Shawntel are sent home. It was classic.

Next week they are going to Park City, UT! When do they film this!? You all know I would have been there!  Also..ABC’s budget must be low… one too many helicopter rides.


  1. Once again, you hit it right on. Perfect

  2. Ha ha ha ha!! I love that I haven't even seen this season and your reviews crack me up!!! Hilarious!