Bachelorette Review: Week 3

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We start the night off with a one on one with Chris. Chris, well, we don’t really know much about him, and after the date we still don’t know too much about him seeing as they mostly discussed how good looking the other one was.

In true bachelorette form they did have to scale a building before dinner. Yes, you guessed it; they compared this adventure to relationships. Emily got awfully scared and she was so impressed by Chris because he stayed by her side. Like where the hell was going to go? He was in a harness hooked to the same building you are at about 50 ft, up. Options become a little limited at this point.

It ended with another provide concert. Emily loves her some country doesn’t she?

Next the group date gets underway. All the boys gather in a park and her soccer mom friends are there to grill them with questions.

Yes it was the question portion of the pageant.

The soccer moms had some pretty compelling questions, Matt Lauer take note. They asked each of them, “Are you ready to be a dad?” Each man replied, “Yes!” I know they really got to the bottom of that one, where we would we be without them.

Em’s friend Wendy kept asking the men to take off their shirts and do push-ups for her. By the end the play date Wendy had left her husband and Emily found out that most of boys can do push-ups. All in all, a really productive day at the park.

Next we move to the Daddy try-out portion of the pageant. A bunch of kids raid the park and the men have to horse around on the playground proving their Daddy skills.

What in the world? Who are these kids? Where are their parents? What if someone asked you, “Hey can I borrow your son to play at a park with a bunch of 30 yr. old men?”  “Oh yeah, that sounds great, if you need me I’ll be at the spa with cell phone off. Okay bye honey, you play nice.”

What was all the drama at the house you ask? Well Tony was missing his son and they showed him crying and carrying on. All so later he can show his son the film and be like, “See, I left you because I loved you.”

The crying session ends when Emily tells him he may as well go home and be with his son because she’s not going to pick him in the end anyway. She put a little more slightly than I did. In my defense, I’m not a trained princess, and she is.

Then we’ve got another one on one with Arie. She takes him to Dollywood, where Emily rides a roller coaster for the first time. Yes, Arie did not leave her through this trying experience. It must be love.

And then, drum roll… Dolly shows up and they get a private concert. The real surprise is when we find out Dolly is Emily’s biological mother. The lesson here, yes silicone and heavy makeup application is indeed genetic. I knew it!

At the end of Arie and Emily’s date Emily pretends to withhold the rose from him. You guys, do you know what this means? A joke was made on this show! Where is Chris H.? Behavior like this needs to be reported.

The cocktail party is one for the books. First the guy with egg lets Emily throw it against the ground. The two say goodbye to The Late Shattered Shelley. Stupid, I know.

Emily kicks Alessandra off immediately after their conversation about what he thinks about being a dad does not impress her. Chick means business.

Emily and Colon, oops I mean Kalon have a heartfelt conversation in where Kalon prefers only hearing himself talk. Emily it doesn’t take a genius, he’s a self- centered… Colon.

Stevie (the jersey shore whore) goes home without a rose. He was disappointed, but I think it’s for the best. Now her can go home and be baby daddy for Snookie.

So many happy endings here.