Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Bachelorette Review: Week 6

Our journey takes us to Croatia this week where the men ride asses and look like them too.

But first things first, Travis gets a one-on-one. You remember Travis he’s the egg guy.

Emily and Travis tour the city; actually I’m just assuming that’s what they did. Their date was boring and so I opted to talk to my friends instead.

In the end no egg will save him. He’s a goner folks.

Back at home we find Ryan in some sort of leotard. You guys, what was that tank top number he was sporting? He looked more like a contestant on So You Think You can Dance than the pro- athlete- has-been he’s so keen on mentioning.

A challenging question for you; Does Doug talk about his son more, or does Ryan talk about his football career more? Boys, WE GET IT!

Then comes the group date where the men ride donkeys around while wearing form fitting sleeveless shirts and kilts. They then play old school games to prove their strength and you know the drill, the strongest man wins while the fair lady sits on the sidelines.

You may be thinking that how far a man can throw a log is not important in deciding a marital partner. I assure you, you are wrong, and abc is right. My man can throw logs all day long and it is the secret to a happy long lasting relationship.

Chris proves to be exceptionally poor at most every event of the day. Emily gives him the bravery cup or more appropriately the sympathy cup.

She then continues to coddle little Chris by giving him the group date rose. I don’t get it.

Next Ryan gets the one-on-one. If you forgot Ryan is the guy who use to be a pro football player. Did you already forget, he played pro football. Can you believe it? Pro football!

Ryan continues to use the term “trophy wife”. Here is the truth: he actually does not know the term “trophy wife” is insulting. This guy is so damn dense. I’m sorry to all you jocks out there who actually have a brain in your head, but I believe he’s taken a few steps backward for you.

At dinner Ryan and his turquoise shoes present Emily with a list of expectations he has for his future wife.

I tell you what if I was Emily I would have ripped up his precious little list, poured my glass of wine, not on his head, but on his shoes, set an actual trophy on the table and say something explicit regarding what he can do with said trophy.

Though I think we can conclude Emily and I are different people. She had a disgusted look on her face and even made a couple of snide jokes regarding trophies, such references flew right over Ryan’s big head. Despite all this response remained classy, as she said; family would be at the top of her list and she could not give him a rose.  

And then what happens next was just plain scary. Ryan begins to bargain with her, probably because it was his first experience with rejection, that is, if you don’t count the fact that no US football team wanted him (it was a European league, people).

Ryan claimed he was shocked by her response, said he could not believe she wouldn’t give him a chance, but it was not in a pathetic begging sense. It was a controlling, demanding, manipulative type approach.

Emily then began to question herself and for a few moments I thought she was going to back down and be that trophy he so wanted.

In all seriousness this dude is scary. The guy flew one red flag after the next. In the end Emily does send him packing. Ladies, he’s on the loose, lock your doors.

Arie sneaks into Emily’s room that night and assures her she made a good decision. I sort of like Arie.

The rose ceremony is not without its suspense. When it comes down to John and Doug with only one rose left Emily leaves the room and runs to our helpful host Chris.

Chris, says, in true Chris form, “I’ve said from the beginning there are no rules.” Oh Chris, you’re a classic.

Emily comes out with two more roses and both Doug and John stay.

How funny would it have been if they could not have come up with another rose and they had to pin some daffodil on a guy’s suit?

I hope you’ll continue this journey with me next week. It looks like there is some sort of drama involving Arie and one of the producers. Perfect!


  1. Couldn't have said it better myself. I hated Ryan fro day one. But soon all the contestants that create drama will be gone and we will be left to talk about Jefs wardrobe. Nice work

    1. The good news is Jef will give us plenty to talk about in that area.

  2. Haaa!!! Last night was legendary. Do Europeans even know what American football is?

    1. I'm assuming it's the equivilant to croquet.