Bachelorette Review: Week 9

Photo credit: Radar online

Our journey takes us to the sunny beaches of Curacao this week.

This week the final three are given the opportunity to show their moves in the bedroom. It’s really quite special.

The first date in this journey is with Sean and his deep V shirt. A very deep V. Is there some kind of deep V rule? The deeper the V the bigger the _________. (Is that blank big enough to use some capitals with maybe some exclamation points?)

Sean and Emily spend the day completely isolated on a small island, where they can ask each other questions about marriage instead of questions about each other.  

Emily is worried he is too perfect. He then proceeds to talk about his X-Love. The whole thing, including their conversation seemed incredibly boring to me.

At dinner Sean whips out a letter he has written Ricki. Sean, smart move. The question of the night is: Does a letter to Ricki trump a letter to Emily? We shall see.

Then comes the card.  Emily decides, because she is a mother, she will just stay late and not overnight. Now, you and I both know the two of them could not have possibly fooled around because she left early…. Is this the point at which I should tell her daughter Ricki, you can have sex at any time of the day?

Next Jef along with his stupid ass hair and Emily hop on a boat for the day. Emily asks if Jef is excited to meet her parents. And this is when my favorite line of the night greets us. He says, “I love parents.” That is quite the statement Jef. Sometimes I find myself making such general statements as well, for example I’m always saying, “I love adults.”

Then. Dun.Dun. Dun Emily pulls out the overnight card. When she asked Jef what he thought he quickly pulled out a worn wallet sized For The Strength of Youth pamphlet and recited it to Emily. Emily took the bait, completely impressed by his ability to resist her fun bags and the two went their separate ways. Well played Jef, well played.

Next Emily hops on another boat with Arie where they kiss a lot, then swim with dolphins and kiss a lot more.

At dinner she asks some normal date questions. Emily, what are you doing? You can’t just ask someone about themselves on a date. This is the bachelor! Chris H. do something! Quick!

Also was Arie sweating profusely during dinner? Oh my. I bet his leg was shaking with horniness and inside his head he was all, where’s the overnight card, where is it, where, where, where?

Then, big surprise, Emily and Arie made out. A lot.

Emily never does present the card to Arie for fear she’ll cave to his wiles.

Next Emily and Chris H. have a long conversation about her journey. Chris does what always does by nodding his head intently, squinting his eyes with concern and stating the most obvious of observations. Thanks Chris, whatever would we do without you?

Each man makes a video for Emily, or, rather, a final plea. They all told her they loved her. Jef’s came in at the cheesiest, yet they all ranked at the same level of pathetic.

In the end Sean goes home. I was sincerely surprised by this. Mostly because he wrote a letter to Ricki and I would have thought such an act would have sealed his fate for at least another week. I was blind-sided by this one people.

So I ask you the heavy weighted question that has been on all our minds for the last nine weeks. Is there a rodent living in Jef’s hair? And, secondly, who will be Mr. Emily Maynard?