A New Size

Today I went shopping. I got a babysitter and went by myself. While that sounds like a treat, it wasn't. I HAD to go shopping. Yesterday is when I realized it. I wore a pair of shorts that use to fit me. I squeezed myself into them and was completely uncomfortable all day long. My knee fat kept crawling out of the bottom of the shorts begging my constant tug.

The once cute coral shorts were riding up my crotch and the top button was working overtime. After the shorts mocked and harassed me all day long I decided to call it what it is and buy a few new things. I thought it would make me feel better. I tried to talk myself down. Okay I tried to lie to myself. Hey, sizing is different throughout various brands and styles. Maybe an evil villain sized those shorts and perhaps I would just need to size up one puny pant number. Perhaps I'm that far off from the size I use to be. 

I went to mall. I hate the mall, mostly because of the pushy twenty something sales ladies always acting as if they want to get to know me.

"What we shopping for today? Anything special?" She'll inquire, cheerfully.

"Um just looking" I'll say. Which really means, back off bitch.

Then they'll rattle on about there special specials and how If I spend one billion dollars and I can get 30 percent off the next billion.

I think, girl.... you really don't want to get to know me. Underneath these long mom shorts is an angry woman that came here for stretchy fabrics and a bit of silence.

I went around the store picking up one size bigger than whatever the former Lindy was. With each clothing selection I tugged it, making sure it had a little give, or a lot of give. I needed these shorts to stretch from here to kingdom come.

"Can I get a dressing room started for ya?" Asked the twenty something sales clerk.

I handed over the items as she asked my name and wrote it on the cute metal board hanging on the dressing room door. I thought if she dots the "I" with a heart I'm outa here.

I tugged and hoisted a few on and realized, Wow! I've changed more that I thought I had. I settled on some stretchy long mom shorts in a larger size than I have ever worn before. I tossed in a couple forgiving T- shirts and decided my summer wardrobe had been updated, or more appropriately, up-scaled.

As I was checking out the nosy, all too chatty, twenty something sales person asked me, "You buyin clothes for a special Occassion, a trip or something?"

I tapped my credit card on the counter and said, "Honestly, I've gained a bit of weight and I'm tired of being uncomfortable everyday."

She paused, and then smiled and said, "Well, you still look great to me."

I get it. Honesty stuns people sometimes. And I mean really it's not her fault. I know that.

Accepting where we're at in the moment can be difficult. The older I get the more I realize that life is a teeter totter of adjusting expectations. I suppose it's in rejoicing in the highs, even if it's not as high as we anticipated and accepting or God willing, embracing the lows.

So what the hell! I'm going raise my glass to a new size. Cheers.