Bachelor Review: Week 2

Image courtesy of Ask.com

This is not the Bachelor it’s actually a really fancy game. The object of the game is to see how many times the words “women” and “journey” can be used. So far all Ben is saying is “Women, the women, getting to know the women, I care about these women, these women are amazing.” As far as the journey prize goes, the title is with Kacie B.  

I love that he has to use Kacie’s last initial. I know that was a continual frustration back when I was in the dating world. In fact sometimes I still slip up and say things like, “I’m falling for you Mason S.”

Kacie B. has a one on one with Ben. They peruse the streets of Sanoma. Ben shows her his home town and Kacie shows him her baton twirling skills. Just as I thought this seemed like a normal first date, no private jets, no helicopters…ABC came to crash the party. The two went to a private theater on the big screen were baby pictures (no, the naked baby pictures were not excluded) of Kacie and Ben. It was honesty like a wedding video. Ben became emotional, which the women, love about him. You’ve got to hand it to ABC; they really don’t waste any time. All in all NOT a normal first date.

Next they announce who will be going on the group date. Monica, excited to be chosen, gave us a good chest pound. You’ve got to admit, she is kind of cute for a gorilla.

Ben shows up to the group date in white shorts. The women line up to get their hugs. Then they all sit beneath him and listen to his speech detailing just how this group date was going to play out, as soon as he said the phrase, “In all the land.” I knew he was the man I wanted to marry and I dare say all the women agreed with me.  

The children of Sanoma wrote a play. Ben and the women made up the cast.

Blakeley sports a very inappropriate romper. Ben wears a sheep costume and in the end takes off his shirt. Yes, the children of Sanoma grew up that day.   

The women swoon as Ben interacts with the kids… “He’ll be such a good dad.” Oh ladies, excuse me, I mean oh women… you’re all a bunch of dumb dumbs.

Ben has the most absurd comments about these women. “Blakley seems grounded.” Ben she is a silicone filled, Botox puffed VIP cocktail waitress. Grounded by what, the weight of her bra?

Next Courtney gets a one on one. She rubs it in, and claims she is winning. I really think Courtney missed the boat when she came to the bachelor. Maybe Charlie Sheen would be a better suitor for her. Winning!

Ben’s date with Courtney could not have gone better. If you missed it you missed something pretty spectacular. Let me give you little taste.

Courtney: “I’m so excited to be here.”

Ben: “I’m excited you’re here.”

Courtney: “This is beautiful.”

Ben: “Ya, I love it here it’s beautiful.”

Ben: “This is my dog.”

Courtney: “Your dog is cute.

Courtney: “This has been a wonderful date.”

Ben: “Yes, this has been a wonderful date.”

You get the picture, these are obviously two very interesting people, with a lot to talk about.

Courtney learns that because Ben is a dog owner he will be a good dad. Yes, of course.

Ben, with another absurd observation claims Courtney is smart and witty. Ben, where are you getting your information?

The cocktail party begins Blakely is granted with the I’m just a tad more slutty than anyone else here rose. Jealously among the rest of the women begins to fester. Blakley quickly explains, “I’m a Scorpio and we’re just very sexual people.” Oh okay, ya that makes sense.

The little blond girl and the Snookie- look- alike really hate Blakley. Seriously I thought the situation was going to show up and kick Blakley’s horse face in.

Ben finds Blakley hiding in the luggage room behind a suitcase. What? Why did you find this so odd? All Scorpio’s work out their problems this way, everyone knows that.

Jenna explains to Ben that she is more like a guy than a girl and it’s hard for her to be among all these women. Wow… I guess guys cry a lot more than I thought.

Later Ben finds Jenna in a bed crying. Seriously guys are such drama queens.

Jenna is sent home without a rose. She cries, and cries then she shed a few more tears and says, “Are you kidding me? Seriously, are you kidding me?”

Then Ashton Kutcher jumps out and says, “Yes, it was a joke, you’re not going home… Ben wants to marry you.”

So ya, it was a pretty historical episode.

Also the mom went home, the one with the big boobs and blond hair that we really haven’t heard much from because she doesn’t throw herself at Ben enough.

p.s. Did I beat Ben at his own game? I don’t know how many more times I could have typed Women?