Bachelor Review: Episode 9

We’re down to the last three fools. Lindzi, Nikki and Courtney.

Yes it’s fantasy suite time in Switzerland. 

It starts with Nikki, they see Switzerland by helicopter. I know you didn’t see that coming did you? 

Nikki says, “I feel like we’re the only two people in Switzerland.” Nikki, darling, you’re not even the only two people in this relationship. 

Nikki pulls out all the stops on this date. And by all the stops I mean cleavage, a lot of it. 

Nikki says she sees a future with him and a proposal at the end of it. They talk kids and life’s expectations. You know, like everyone does after they’ve spent a total of six hours together. 

Then, after I’m sure Ben has made up his mind to kick Nikki to the curb (Sorry, spoiler alert), they, of course, go the fantasy suite anyway. Ben, you’re a jerk with really, really dumb hair. 

Ben your budding mustache is not helping. 

Next Linzi and Ben take their journey repelling.

You guys, it was so amazing, they were both scared to repel, but they worked together their love pulled them through it and now they know they can make it through anything. Now we can say with bold absurdness their love can withstand anything. Even repelling! Can you believe it!?

Another hot tub scene, because you are watching the bachelor, are you not? It’s good to know some things never change. 

Next we get to spend a few moments with our gal, Courtney. She walks like a total dork, touches her hair excessively and talks like a baby. I love being around her, it’s made my journey amazing. 

He later quizzes her on all the rumors he’s heard from the other women. But they make no progress on this front, probably because he’s wearing a tan pea-coat, which proved to be completely distracting.

They decide to stop talking, get a one man hot tub and continue their journey in the fantasy suite. As if they haven’t embarked on that kind of journey before. (Wink, wink.)

Okay let’s get down to the teaser. Kacie B. comes back to ask Ben why he rejected her. When he saw her, he dropped the F-Bomb. This is not what you want to hear when you’re trying to surprise the love of your life.  

How awesome would it have been if he would have come out and said, “Guess what Kacie, the baton twirling, a big DEAL BREAKER!”

In the words of Seth Meyers and Amy Poeler, “I MEAN REALLY.”  I hate when they do this, fly across the country to get rejected again. I MEAN REALLY. 

Kacie, trying to make the trip worth it, proceeds to tattle tale on Courtney. The problem is, many of the women have tried this technique and to no avail. Evil reigns on this show, how many times do I have to tell you?

In the end, Nikki is sent home. I suspect it’s because her dress choice at the rose ceremony looked as if she was off to attend a toga party more than trying out to be this monkey’s wife. Nikki, take heart, you’ll have a better time at the party. 

Next week, it’s women tell all. See you then.