Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Bachelor Finale: Evil Prevails

May I just start off by saying; what a journey, right? The twists the turns the ups the downs, the us knowing the entire season it would be Courtney but watching it anyway. 

Lindzi had the first date of the night and honestly I wasn’t paying that much attention, but I can assume they had an amazing, wonderful date. I’m willing to bet they talked about how their journey has been what they have learned from this journey, and their feelings regarding this journey. 

I did catch a glimpse of Lindzi and Ben skiing down the Switzerland slopes. It was the weirdest thing I’ve witnessed (and that’s saying something, I mean, I did watch Ashley’s season). Ben was in front, Lindzi wrapped herself around his back with her skis were in between his. It made me uncomfortable. Ben just wore goggles, no helmet, thus denying himself the only opportunity to cover up that hair. 

Lindzi meets the family and keeps dropping her fork in her lap. I wish she knew she didn’t have to be so nervous. His mom and sister were probably more embarrassed by the way his hair looks than any girl he could have ever brought home. 

In the end the family likes Lindzi. 

Courtney’s date was a picnic. Are Courtney’s dates always picnics? I guess when you make your living with your pouty face you can’t risk such beauty with skiing, repelling or having any fun. 

When Courtney meets his family the sister had some preconceived notions about the model type. But she meets Courtney with an open mind and finds her to be a genuine person. I have no idea as to how she came to such an outlandish conclusion, but there you have it. 

At the end of the date Courtney shares a letter- type- scrapbook she has crafted highlighting their journey. If there is one thing I’ve learned from my years of being faithful to this show (So hard to name just one, seeing as most great life lessons I’ve acquired have stemmed from this brilliant program) Yet to name one: If you want to win this show MAKE A SCRAPBOOK. It undoubtedly does the trick every time. 

Next Neil Lane comes to visit us looking as tan as ever and ready for Ben to pick the rock. The rings are all gigantic and Ben actually selected a pretty one. (Ewe, remember the one Ed picked?)

Both of the ladies get ready for their funeral, oops, I mean the proposal. Lindzi is first her dress is pretty, her cape is scary. He tells her he loves her and then says But…. And then proceeded to blurt out a bunch of other stuff no one cared to listen to. 

Lindzi barley shed a tear, I think she realized she dodged a bullet, or worse than a bullet, a Flajnik. Honestly that last name had to be a deal breaker. 

Next Courtney arrives in a white cloak and black dress adorned with scary witch gloves. 

He dropped to one knee and said, “You’re my forever.”  We learn two things from this: Evil prevails and the word forever takes on a new meaning, it must actually mean on again off again

And was it just me or did neither one of them seem overjoyed at the engagement? 

Now let us move on from that exciting news to the after the rose show

Courtney arrives on the scene some of the ladies in the audience lightly applaud, more boo and most snicker to their girlfriend next to them, I think I could make out the word witch being said a few times or at least a word similar to it. 

Chris interviews Courtney, who is not wearing a ring, she makes her best pouty face, cries and claims she doesn’t know if she and Ben are together or not. 

Chris, of course, wants to get to the bottom of this deeply mystifying relationship. 

Then Ben arrives. His hair looking more wind- blown and less suctioned to his temples, but still very unattractive. Ben, you need to give up the long hair. You are like one of those ladies, who at 65 still has long locks because her husband likes long hair. You and those women look a little ridiculous. There is a time and place for long hair. Your time and place is when you play Francine on Arthur, and I believe those days are behind you. 

Chris got right down to it, and asked about all the Cheating pictures we’ve seen invading the tabloids. He denied it. I didn’t get it. 

The couple then came on together for, what I'm calling, the most confusing interview in Bachelor history. They love each other, but they don’t trust each other. They are engaged but they don’t know if they are engaged. 

Finally Chris pulls out the ring and basically forces Ben to put it on her hand. Does Chris have to meet some successful couple quota? Maybe there is some sort of commission he gets. Either way, I am sure he cares a great deal about Ben and Courtney because I think they would make very loyal friends. 

So who was the successful visiting couple? No, surprisingly, it was not Tristan and whoever the sucker was who married her. It was Ashley and JP. 

I know, I too, am so happy for their success. Ashley was annoying as ever, I mean, wow, I cannot believe I lasted an entire season watching her. It really made me step back and examine just how screwed up I must be. 

Their news: They will probably get married within a year. I’m excited because I already know what to give them for a wedding present; a muzzle for Ashley. Oh come on, I wasn’t going to be rude about it. I’d probably put some bling on it or something. 

I can’t believe we all made it through another journey. Is anyone up for watching Emily’s journey? This season really took it out of me, or maybe that was the five minutes of Ashley I had to withstand last night.


  1. HA HA HA HA!! I love your reviews! I love them way more than the actual show! HA HA HA! Thank you, again, for the laugh!

  2. I just watched my DVR and have to say I lost way too much sleep to see that anti climatic proposal! And then the after the rose, what the heck!? Oh thank goodness for your review to make it interesting. Oh that hair! Yuck! If you stop your reviews I won't have any reason to watch.