Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Bachelorette Review: Week 2

Image courtesy of facebook
We open with Emily talking to her fellow soccer moms. Their jaws hung in admiration, as they knew this was their once in a lifetime opportunity to live vicariously through the bachelorette.

Ryan gets the first one on one. You know him; he’s the one who was a pro ball player of some kind who has since turned into a coach. By the way is his hair fashion forward or just plain stupid?

I kind of liked that she was wearing flats when she picked up Ryan. Also, I liked that she drove.

All the guys at the pool swooned as they saw Emily in her casual wear. They claimed they preferred her that way. It was kind of a relief for us women, right? Like, now when Mason comes home and I’m in a spaghetti stained t-shirt wearing my orthotic clogs, in my heart I can know, ya, he probably thinks I’m way hot.

Here’s the big surprise of the night. Emily and Ryan had kind of a normal date. (Well if you don’t count the private concert with the entire town of Charlotte watching.)

By normal, I mean they went to her house he helped her unload groceries and they made cookies for her daughter’s soccer team. I was like, “Uh…. This does not have Chris Harrison written all over it?”

They went to dinner and I did not hear the word journey. Did you? For a moment I thought they were having a real conversation. I’ll admit, although it may mean my demise in your eyes, but as I watched these two I could feel the left side of my mouth creep up toward my cheek. Yes it’s true. I almost smiled while watching this show. Quickly, I slapped myself across the face. “Snap out of it Lindy!”

To my relief things returned to normal when I witnessed the line-up-for-the-hug routine on the group date.

The group date also followed the norm. Here boys line up for public humiliation assignment number one. The assignment happened to be performing with the Sesame Street characters.

A side note: Does the MC guy know he’s on the bachelorette? He’s a little too Jersey Shorish whorish for me. I think his name is Stevie?

And does anyone know what Emily does for a living? It looks like she has money? I thought it was like “Event Coordinator.” What does that mean? Is the event soccer and the coordinating arranging a rotating snack assignment schedule? Is there money in such a job? Cause I’m interested in an application if there is.

The next one on one is with Joe. I know, interesting choice. They go to a ritzy hotel for dinner and its clear Emily never grew out of the princess stage.

Em, I know the princess idea is alluring, and you know I hate to rain on your parade, but it’s actually not legally possible for you to become a princess due to the large and obvious fact that you live in the United States.

In the end Joe did not have the glass slipper and he went home rose-less; right then and there.

At the mansion there is little drama between the big muscled dad guy who shamelessly talks about his son and Kalon, the helicopter boy.

My opinion? I don’t like either of them.

Honestly, big muscled dad guy your kid is not a show pony. Enough!

Please allow me to leave you with this question regarding Kalon. If a man’s oversized truck means he has a small you-know-what. Then what does a man’s helicopter say? Oopsy.


  1. Who needs to watch the show when you write THIS!! HA HA HA!! BRAVO! LOVE IT!

  2. AMEN! I couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks again!

  3. Emily's money comes from Ricky's dad's family. Rick Hendrick is one of the biggest names of NASCAR owning Jimmie Johnson, Jeff Gordon, Dale JR and Kasey Kahne's cars. Since Ricky's dad died, he has taken care of both of them... Don't worry, I married a NASCAR man so thats how I know. I am loving this new season and I always love your Blog about it. PS. I have insider information if you want a spoiler for this season :)

    1. Lizzie,
      Thank you! I was dying to know this! You really pulled through for the team this week.

    2. You bet! I'm glad I could finally contribute! ;) I have lots of answers... let me know when you have other questions