Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Bachelor Review: Episode 3

We start the night with a kissing Guinness world record with Washington DC girl. Nothing like forced romance in front of a huge crowd to heat up your pants.

They finish the night by talking about their perfect families and their amazing connection. I’m beginning to think I could write these reviews without actually watching the show, but for you I will press on. 

Next, groups date wherein Sean wears a tank top. The girls force Sean to take off the tank right away as they scope out his bod. I have to admit a small part of me loves when women objectify men; kind evens the playing field right?

Chris H. sets up a beach volleyball game so we can all thoroughly examine the women in bikinis. The team that wins achieves more time with Sean. 

The losing team becomes deeply depressed as they realize their lives are now over and they will never fully recover. Lots of crying ensues. 

Whooaahh. The wedding dress girl comes on strong as she confesses her feelings to Sean. But then again is there any other option than, coming on strong, when you wear a wedding a dress on your first meeting? 

Since this is the third episode all the ladies start talking marriage. Normal. 

Are you loving how Kacie acts all bachelor-veteran-like? Sort of like the wiser older sister, only it’s less admirable and more embarrassing. Kacie this whole journey along with your tattling was a mistake. 

Tierra takes a big fall. She fell on the stairs and hit her head. Oh yeah, the old hurt- yourself- for- attention- move. Reminiscent of when Michelle punched herself in the face. This ends up monopolizes Sean’s one-on-one with Ahlee. Good plan Tierra, good plan. 

Though, can I just say, with a name like Tierra I would be thoroughly disappointed if she wasn’t an absolute drama queen. To the parents of Tierra, this was always her destiny, you know it, and I know it.  

Ashlee and Sean share their date with some terminally ill children. Sean acts like it was his idea, Ashlee acts like it was his idea. Have we not figured out that none of the dates are Sean’s idea? Oh wait, except the prank he pulled on Des that was idea, which happened to be the dumbest date idea in bachelor history.

 Ashlee tells her sob story. Good on you Ashlee sob stories get you far in this game. You may not win because you’re sweet, but you’re in the game for another week for sure.

Sean throws us a curve ball when he pulls Kacie off the pedestal to reject her before he hands out the roses. This took me by surprise, I thought he pulled her off to talk about why her cocktail dress looked like an 80’s aerobic outfit, and to find out where she got that neon green scrunchie? Do you think she may have saved it from her baton twirling era? Well, I guess this show does still have a few mysteries. 

Taryn, the crier with the hot body and Kristy the model along with Kacie mark this night’s fatalities.
See you next week for what looks like a roller derby competition and hopefully another train wreck with our sweet Tierra.


  1. I love you! This is too funny! I was dying over Kacie's dress/crotchless leotard! So glad she and her fake baked face are gone! And the dates...oh the dates! So pathetic! Guiness World Record Museum....wow! And my last thought is...why don't they tell the girls to dress appropriatley for the date they're going on. Ashley could not have been comfortable wearing her mini mini mini dress and heels for a day at Six Flags. Let me add.... that I have never seen such short skirts and dresses in my life! And what if they had real, average looking women on the show would anybody watch? I was thinking that last night as they all played volleyball in their bikinis. So many questions. So little answers! Ha!

    1. Tris,
      Agreed! I thought we were going to get a crotch shot from the DC girl for sure. It was a close one.
      Thanks for reading my stuff. Hope to see you Saturday!