Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Bachelor Review: The Proposal


It was one hell of a journey wasn't it folks?
 
Through this journey we have had helicopters, hot tubs and elephants. We have seen our dear friend, shirtless Sean, through one amazing woman after the next. What an amazing journey this journey has been.
 
You  know the drill the girls meet Sean's family and surprise. They love them both. Shocker.
 
And get this twist... Both of the girls like his family. NO WAY....
 
Sean pretends like he doesn't know who he's going to ask and his mother gets concerned. Why was she so concerned? He had the ring, the location, and the speech all prepared he just didn't know which girl he was going to ask to be his wife. Minor detail.
 
The ladies have their last date. Where you pretty much have to tell him you love him, while he cannot reciprocate. Basically you end up looking like a fool.
 
Usually on the last night someone makes some kind of scrapbook or writes some kind of letter. And I have been watching this show love enough to know that kind of shit seals the deal.
 
But because this show is so unpredictable the letter comes later. And who was the letter from you ask.... Drum Roll.... It was from Catherine. We all should have guessed as much, as she is the love letter queen. So yes she did act much like an 8th grader throughout this entire journey.
 
The moral of the story. Write a letter, make a scrapbook. Jeff did it for Emily and look at how amazing that turned out.
 
Let's take a moment to discuss the dumping of Lindsay, shall we?
 
Lindsay, bad dress.
 
Sean, your little break-up speech sucked ass. Sorry, it did. Sean, when dumping someone it is good to be nice, but to tell them you love them is just pathetic. And those tears that you were trying so hard to muster? Can we say FAKE.
 
On the limo ride, Lindsay tried to act really sad by repeating and convincing herself, "This is so sad, this is so sad." You guys, she's fine, she couldn't have possibly taken this journey seriously.
 
When Sean finally, after another drawn out speech, popped the question Catherine looked stunned. Like not the good kind of stunned. I'm willing to bet she was thinking, Now how long am I going to have to keep up this act? How many talk shows will we have to do before we can break up and I can go back to Seattle and prove my sisters right.
 
No it's not over yet. Now we have to do the after the rose ceremony so that Chris Harrison can have a job.
 
They bring Lindsay and Sean together to rehash what we just saw. Was this not so painful? Lindsay was all whinny, "What happened Sean, what went wrong?" Then Sean would answer, "Nothing, I just loved Catherine." Then Lindsay would ask the same question again, then Sean would answer. It... was.... exhausting.
 
Then Chris chimes in with the worlds most predictable questions. "What's this been like Lindsay?" "It's been really hard Chris." Then Chris asks, "What's this been like for you Lindsay?" You see how he switched it up there?
 
Then out comes Catherine. So they are engaged and Chris asks, "Is there a wedding?" They say something like we're just going to hold hands and be happy.
 
Ya okay good enough, America just wanted to see, in the end, two people hold hands for awhile. Thanks a whole bunch.
 

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