Monday, October 19, 2009

Pregnancy Diaries Entry 3: I'm having a daughter!

When I was first pregnant all I thought about was the pregnancy itself. Healthy eating, reading pregnancy books as if my life and subsequently my baby’s life had depended on it. I would call my Dr.’s office with every little question, read the ingredients list of everything I consumed. For about three months I think Mason thought he was married to the baby encyclopedia, always informing him with pregnancy facts. Then I reached a point where I actually started to think of what felt like a huge gas bubble in my belly as a baby. I began to observe strollers and car seats as if I was writing my master thesis on the subject. Chicco, Graco, evenflo… What was best, safest, and most cost effective? Then I looked at nursery after nursery dreaming of the colors I would put in my little girls room, in truth I’m still doing this part, what.. its fun. I thought about breastfeeding, waking up three times a night and just how are we going to do this? What breast pump should I buy? Can I pump at work, and just how in the hell is that suppose to work?
But the other day I had a moment when I was driving away from the grocery store and I saw a woman holding her daughter’s hand, I think her daughter must have been ten or so, and that is when it hit me…. Oh my gosh, I’m not having a baby I’m having a daughter! Two words…. Scared shitless! I must confess I said a quick prayer oh please…. let her be more like her father than me. Of course my own mother did not pray for that, but it’s what she got with me, sorry mom. I felt an insurmountable sense of responsibility. How could I possibly parent another person when I’m still having my mom hem every pair of pants I purchase, cause they’re too long for my midget legs? What will she be like? What will her struggles be? And how will I be the one she turns to? When my dad found out we were having a girl he said, “There is no possible way that she won’t be a little smart ass.” So I guess that much is for sure , as for the rest of it.. it’s just a gamble I suppose.

4 comments :

  1. I love you! Sometimes after reading your posts that is all I can say. All these thoughts and feelings... Lindy you are a mom. YOU, my little Lindy with her midget legs, attitude, and love, you are a MOM, even though she is in your belly still. Isn't it amazing how those feelings just kick in? They never go away either. All the things you worry about will come in there own time, don't rush them. All you can do is make sure she knows you love her no matter what. You know how you will know this? When she kisses her baby dolls before she puts them in their bed and says to the little plastic face, "I love you, goodnight." I probably mess up Avery daily, but I know she knows I love her, that makes up for all my mistakes.

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  2. It's going to be awesome!! I can't wait! I'm so excited for you to meet your little girl! Loves!

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  3. It's such a different feeling, one that you can't explain or show. BUt it's so wonderful to step back and see a little person thrive in the environment that you created. You guys are going to be awsome:)!!!

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  4. I found a book at the library today, "Raising a daughter"

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