Pregnancy Diaries Entry 14: Lost but not Forgotten

I have lost a few things in this pregnancy and I find myself longing to have them back
Lost but not forgotten: A waistline. The other night I had a dream I could see muscles in my stomach it was whimsical the dream was interrupted when I got up to go for the 3rd time that night.
Lost but not forgotten: exercise, exercise, exercise. Dear readers I am longing to workout as I once did. I have woken up many mornings thinking I would love nothing more than to run and run hard and for a long time…sigh…
Lost but not forgotten: Cooking. Believe it or not I use to make a real attempt to cook and I loved trying new healthy recipes, sometime after conception this desire was lost and I do hope it returns.
Lost but not forgotten: Sex drive. Need I say more?
Lost but not forgotten: Sleep. I know, I know you’re about to tell me to get use to it….
Lost but not forgotten: My memory, or at least I think I use to have one.. Can’t really remember.
Lost but not forgotten: Driving normally. What I mean? I mean I have to have my seat so far back when I drive to accommodate the belly that my arms are entirely extended. This is not good for a short girl like myself.
Lost but not forgotten: Ankles. When I wake up in the morning before my ankles are swollen I take a good look at them because by the end of the day they have turned into kankles.
Lost but not forgotten: Energy. I am continually amazed by how tired I am. When I get off work I feel all I can do is lay around…. It’s getting really annoying.
Lost but not forgotten: Oxygen. I really want to take a full breath!

Pregnancy Diaries Entry 13: 37 Weeks

Weird to think the pregnancy part of this adventure is coming to a close. I must confess even though I’m probably not ready to actually have a child and I’m sure I’ll be as confused as hell when I take the little bundle home with me. I do feel like I want to be done with the pregnant part. There are days where all I have wanted to do was take off this fat suit and be normal for just a few hours. The things I would do… lie on my stomach, and then lay on my back, then maybe my stomach again.…. I know rebellious right?
I must say with only 2 1/2 weeks left I am feeling very anxious. I excessively make to do lists without checking things off because by the time I get home from work I’m completely exhausted. My house is a disaster with Mason and me trying to reorganize our lives to fit this little person in. At times it feels like this baby is kicking us out of our own home.
They say to get a lot of sleep before the end of pregnancy so you can be ready for labor. Right… Since when do pregnant women get a lot of sleep? The last few nights I have woken up at 4 am and have been unable to fall back asleep mostly because of my massive body but I also think a portion of it is anxiety. I have so many things I feel like I still need to do before she arrives: Organize the nursery, organize the office, find daycare, pack the hospital bag and every time I check something off my list I think of another I need to do. Mason told me the other day I do not need to solve the world’s problems before this baby arrives. Please note I did NOT laugh at this comment.

Pregnancy Diaries Entry 12: 33 weeks!

Today a lady asked how much longer I had. I said about 2 months. She said, “But you look so big, it’s not twins is it?” So how was your day?

Pregnancy Diaries Entry 11: You are my Sunshine

This marks my 31st week of pregnancy. 9 weeks to go!

Yesterday I went to the gym to do a spinning class when I was finished I went down to the locker room and that is where this unfortunate story begins. I was gathering up my things and this woman comes into the locker room singing her heart out. At this point I knew she was clinically insane and started gathering my things little quicker because I just knew this lady was going to talk to me as my belly is often a walking conversation. Sure enough she turns around and asks me if what she is wearing was too revealing. I looked at the black tights the white mini something, not sure what it was, and the lipstick on her teeth. I looked at her and said. “Nope you look awesome.” This, I learned, was the wrong thing to say as it made her ecstatic. She screamed with Glee, “Awesome? Really? You look awesome too are you pregnant?” Wanting to run I said yes again this was the wrong response. She squealed with even more excitement this time as she said “Oh my gosh I’m so happy for you, congratulations!” Then she went in for a huge hug. There I was in the gym embracing this crazy lady. Please keep in mind this woman is a complete stranger to me as well as the planet earth. Then she put her hands on my belly and exclaimed “Oh my gosh I think I felt him move it’s a boy right”. “No it’s a girl,” I said. I was doing the I’m so uncomfortable laugh at this point. She asked me to stop laughing and hold still so she could feel her. Crazy lady then came closer, just as I thought that wasn’t possible, she proceeded to put her head to my stomach and started singing, yes I shit you not she started singing “You are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are gray….” She sang an entire verse to my belly. I continued to laugh only because I did not know what else to do. She again reprimanded me cause my stomach was jiggling with laughter instead of baby movements. I finally said, “If you insist on singing to my stomach I have no choice but to laugh.” After she was done with the serenade she told me the baby wants her name to be Heidi, she then recanted this because her name is Marie and maybe that would be more appropriate. You got it Marie.

Pregnancy Diaries Entry 10: Normal you are Not

I went for my 30 week check up. Yes 10 weeks to go. Can you believe it? I’m to the point where I go every two weeks and I’m starting to have appointments with the other Docs in the practice in case mine is not on call when my bag of water gushes down my leg.

This was my first appointment with another Doc. It was funny because my normal doctor has never expressed any concern over how small I am. This doc, however, did. He looked at me and asked how big I was when I was born I told him that I thought I was about 7 lbs. He said, “Is your mom as small as you are?” I said she is a couple maybe three inches taller than me. To which he replied, “So in other words she’s not as small as you, we would… how do I say this consider her normal. You…. (long pause)… are not.” Mason piped in and said, “ Umm.. you better watch it, you’re about to get hit.” I laughed and said. “How you say it is I’m below average.” Its good know that I can still teach someone who’s been to medical school a little something….. like I don’t know “bedside manner”. He looked at me as if what he really wanted to say is what business did you having getting pregnant.. little girl. I wanted to say hey those little people on TLC are procreating, what’s so wrong with me giving it a whirl? He said I will most likely have a 7 lbs. baby at the most and he thinks I will do fine with that and I shouldn’t be concerned. Why thank you doctor, I didn’t remember mentioning a concern but now that you brought it up….

All joking aside Mason and I did enjoy this doctor and would be comfortable if he was the one that ends up between my straddled legs… such a sweet image. Long Sigh…. babies and rabbits and birthing women all so tender and cute. The best news is everything is looking good and healthy and on schedule and for that I am so grateful!

Pregnancy Diaries Entry 9: Sweet as Mother's Milk

Okay so the next big purchase is the breast pump. Or as I like to call these gadgets "The Mother Sucker" or "The Tubes that Suck your Boobs." Either way I need your help. I haven't really done any research on these nifty toys but I've seen some that are $300.00 and others that are $60.00. What brand name did you go with? Did you love it, hate it? Approximate expense? If you wouldn't mind giving me your recommendation I would surley appreciate it.

Thank you!

Pregnancy Diaries Entry 8: The Over the Shoulder Boulder Holder

A couple of weeks ago I was riding in the car and could feel my breathing was constricted. I reclined the seat and still felt like I could not take a complete breath. Oh no it’s already happening… the whole baby taking your lung room thing. I had heard about this and thought but I can’t go on like this for another three months, I thought this didn’t happen until the very end. I had a small panic attack, which oddly enough did not help the whole feeling like I can’t breathe problem. Then…. I undid my bra and big sigh… took a complete breath. Looks like Lindy needs to go by a big girl bra. Well the funny thing is I just kept putting this task off and through the middle of the day I would unsnap my bra. I can’t tell you how many places I went with an unhooked bra. Eventually the bra doesn’t stay in place so I was left with this random padding in the middle of my boobs. Yes I had a third boob for a while. What if I really did have three boobs? I would be like the best or should I say breast boob feeding mama around.
Well I finally bought a big girl bra and I’m breathing much better. Mason found this bra in the laundry and asked me whose it was. I turned it around and asked him in a very accusatory tone… “I don’t know Mason… why don’t you tell me whose bra it is?” I figure I may as well accuse him of this seeing as he is sleeping with an entirely different woman even if it is still his wife.

Pregnancy Diaries Entry 7: Buddha Body

“You’re like a miniature Buddha covered in hair.” –Anchorman

This week marks my 28th week of pregnancy. Mom that means I’m 7 months, (she hates when people tell her in weeks). I’m in the third trimester and I find myself wanting to sing “It’s the final countdown” whenever someone asks how far along I am.

It’s kind of a big milestone in my eyes though I hear it’s a long three months because you get huge and uncomfortable, speaking of huge. The other night I was taking a tub and I caught my reflection in that medal thingy just below the fossit and I thought to myself I look like someone else but who… Is it Anglelina Jolie? NO. Is it Carmen Electra? No. Oh I know I know I look just like that fat little Buddha statue. Perhaps the resemblance is stemming from my wise beyond my years mother’s intuition kicking in. Perhaps it is my short stature defining the similarity. No, I think it may be the round tummy with the breasts resting on it as if the giant abdomen was Mother Nature’s true bra. So Carissa this Belly shot is for you. I know I know I make pregnancy look good. Needless to say this picture is pretty accurate except I am not bald and not tan.

Pregnancy Diaries Entry 6: Laughing through Lamaze

Mason and I are five weeks into our Lamaze class. We took it through the hospital because I wanted to learn some techniques as well as hospital policies and how they deliver babies around there. It has been somewhat helpful but I don’t know if I would give it my complete recommendation. The one thing we have learned is that we cannot look into one another’s eyes deeply while Mason waves his hand to direct my breathing because we both end up laughing…hardly the point, and incredibly unrealistic as I do not think I will be laughing through the labor.
There are some real characters in our class and by character I mean complete weirdoes. I swear I know normal people who have babies all the time, but they do not happen to be in this class. Therefore I feel compelled to share some stories with you.
In one particular class we were practicing a breathing technique and then had to trade partners with the intention of learning how others are performing this technique to see if we liked their way better. Mason shifted to the girl sitting next to me and I got a new partner as well. I of course got the bizarre boy. I had to look straight into his eyes while he directed my breathing and honestly all I could think about was…ewww what if I was having this dude’s baby. When Mason came back to me, about three minutes later it was like he had been gone a lifetime. I wanted to say “oh thank goodness you’re back; you’ll never believe what happened while you were gone. I almost had to give birth to that creep’s baby.”
At the beginning of another marvelous class Mason got chosen to wear the sympathy belly. He was instructed to wear it for twenty minutes. Ten minutes of standing, ten minutes of walking. He then passed the belly on to another guy in the class, this pattern continued through the remainder of class. The classes are two hours long and one of the husbands apparently can only make it to the last hour. I thought it was no big deal and he most likely had school or work that interfered. (Look sometimes I do give people the benefit of the doubt.) We took a break in between the two hours in which Mason decided to go to the bathroom, so when Mr. Late arrived it looked as if I had no partner. The instructor suggested the last guy who had to wear the sympathy belly pass it onto Mr. Late. Mr. Late, feeling picked on, points to me and says, “Why don’t you give it to her husband, he’s not even here yet.” To which I replied, “My husband was actually the first man to wear it, LONG before you were here.” So Mr. Late agrees to put on the belly as he is hoisting it up while of course fondling the fake breasts on the belly (Like really, How thrilling could that possibly be?) he has the nerve to say,” Does wearing this belly give me permission to sit around all day and do nothing?” No one laughed… I mean no one. Mason walked in as the entire exchange was over and it was the longest hour of my life just waiting to tell him. As soon as we walked into the parking lot I was like Mason you missed it!!! Well Mr. Late you just got yourself named Mr. Asshole in every woman’s mind and no I will no longer be giving you the benefit of the doubt.
During this weeks class our instructor was wearing the most distracting pair of pants I had seen since 1992. We walked in sat down and I leaned over to Mason and said “She did not warn us that MC Hammer was going to be the guest speaker today.”
Needless to say if this class did not provide us with an education it made up for it with entertainment.

Pregnancy Diaries Entry 4: Cucumbers + Water

I just finished a chapter in one of my pregnancy books. The chapter was on nutrition, guilt got the best of me and now I’m sitting here snacking on cucumbers and drinking water wishing desperately that it was a brownie and a diet coke.

Pregnancy Diaries Entry 3: I'm having a daughter!

When I was first pregnant all I thought about was the pregnancy itself. Healthy eating, reading pregnancy books as if my life and subsequently my baby’s life had depended on it. I would call my Dr.’s office with every little question, read the ingredients list of everything I consumed. For about three months I think Mason thought he was married to the baby encyclopedia, always informing him with pregnancy facts. Then I reached a point where I actually started to think of what felt like a huge gas bubble in my belly as a baby. I began to observe strollers and car seats as if I was writing my master thesis on the subject. Chicco, Graco, evenflo… What was best, safest, and most cost effective? Then I looked at nursery after nursery dreaming of the colors I would put in my little girls room, in truth I’m still doing this part, what.. its fun. I thought about breastfeeding, waking up three times a night and just how are we going to do this? What breast pump should I buy? Can I pump at work, and just how in the hell is that suppose to work?
But the other day I had a moment when I was driving away from the grocery store and I saw a woman holding her daughter’s hand, I think her daughter must have been ten or so, and that is when it hit me…. Oh my gosh, I’m not having a baby I’m having a daughter! Two words…. Scared shitless! I must confess I said a quick prayer oh please…. let her be more like her father than me. Of course my own mother did not pray for that, but it’s what she got with me, sorry mom. I felt an insurmountable sense of responsibility. How could I possibly parent another person when I’m still having my mom hem every pair of pants I purchase, cause they’re too long for my midget legs? What will she be like? What will her struggles be? And how will I be the one she turns to? When my dad found out we were having a girl he said, “There is no possible way that she won’t be a little smart ass.” So I guess that much is for sure , as for the rest of it.. it’s just a gamble I suppose.

Pregnancy Diaries Entry 2: The Swimsuit Edition

Most of the adjustments I have had to make have to do with exercise. The other morning I got up to go swimming but I hadn’t been in a couple of weeks, apparently a lot of growth happens in a couple weeks time. I put on my race suit that I have been slowly stretching out, I haven’t been able to find maternity suits that are actually meant to swim laps in. (If you know of any let me know). As I attempted to get this swimsuit over my rear, which oddly enough is also carrying something… this baby may have a twin; maybe I’ll ask my Doc if she will ultra sound my ass next time I go in just to be sure. By the time I got the entire suit on it barley covered the girls and slightly resembled a wrestling singlet. Hot I know. Determined to go for a swim I put a sports bra under the suit as to not give the other senior citizen lap swimmers something to buy prescription goggles over.
As I got in the locker room and took off my sweats, I thought… Wow all the other swimmers are going to be so jealous of this back fat spewing out of my suit. I was praying it would stretch as I got in the water.
I started my swim and I just have to say feeling weightless in the water has never felt so good. For the most part swimming is the one exercise I look the least ridiculous doing, as soon as I get in the water that is, for the most part my technique has not had to change. The one exception to this rule is the flip turns. Yes, you little critics it is still safe for me to do flip turns. If you know what a flip turn is, it is the graceful transition you see swimmers do in order for them to avoid stopping and turning at the end of each lap. Well mine don’t look so graceful anymore as I go into the wall and flip I have to separate my legs to accommodate the belly, as I push off the wall. I think if you were to take an underwater shot it would look as if I was going to birth my baby right then and there. But we’ll wait for that.

Pregnancy Diaries Entry 1

At 24 weeks this whole pregnancy thing is wearing me right out and I find myself wondering over and over again how people attempt this feat more than once in their lifetime. The adjustments I have had to make are really quite humorous. The first and maybe the most notable happened in the very beginning with the necessity of two sports bras while running. The girls up top seemed to be expanding much more rapidly than an entire human supposedly developing in my abdomen. I was shocked by this occurrence and even more shocked was Mason who said, “If I would have known this happened I would have gotten you pregnant a lot sooner!” Yep, he’s a charmer folks.
The second was all the food aversions; I’ve always been a girl with an appetite that just won’t quit. Even when I was sick while others usually can’t stomach a thing I always could, it use to take an act of God to disturb my appetite. Now it seems all my tastes have changed which I must say is a damn shame because I honestly liked healthy food and put a lot of effort into eating in such a manner. The opposite is true now I’m like bring on the sugar cereal with a side of buttered mashed potatoes please. The other day I even bought a hostess fruit pie, and I “swear to blog” I have not had one of those delicious little devils in over ten years.
Now that I’m entering my sixth month I’m starting to feel large and in charge! I’m constantly reminding myself not to waddle when I walk! The amount of exhaustion I feel while performing the most simple of tasks is quite pathetic. The other morning I went to put on my cute brown zip up boots which first required nylons, BOO for nylons, and all the bending over and pulling up turned my face into a magenta mosaic of some kind and caused me to sit down and take a breather before leaving the house.
Though on the other hand I have been truly enamored by this process I can’t believe that this little girl just keeps growing and I often feel as if I should be doing more. The pitter patter I feel when she is moving around is absolutely priceless. I think this whole pregnancy thing is a big warning to tell me it’s no longer just my life anymore and that I’ll always be connected to this person. I feel excited for her arrival and anxious for it all at the same time. People have said motherhood is the best thing in the world as well as the most difficult. So far… they’re right.