Friday, June 22, 2012

New baby: Excitement...and worry.

Cute little boy shoes from Etsy
Last week I had a short burst of energy and decided to tackle my office closet. It’s a task that has topped my to-do list for the past few weeks. Seeing as our new arrival will be moving us out of our office. As I cleared out the closet and put our stuff in boxes I was reminded of how babies require us to rearrange and adjust our lives.
As I gazed at the empty closet surrounded by labeled boxes ready to be put out of sight, I sighed and thought about all the changes we have made to fit kids into our lives, or rather, let them take over our lives. This thought has been occupying a space in my mind for the entirety of this week.
I took a drive out to friend’s house this week for some much needed girl time. The drive happened to be one of my favorite biking routes. I knew every corner and was acquainted with every tree. I thought about all the pedal strokes I had taken across those rodes. It has been quite some time since I have ridden my bike, and I found myself missing that piece of who I am. I thought about all the bike rides I took, when I didn’t have to request Mason’s presence at home to take of Milly. A tear came to my eye when I realized the bike rides may be even fewer with two kids. With Milly I fought tooth and nail to retain pieces of what I use to do, but the truth is, it’s just that, pieces. I feel some anxiety over the idea that these pieces may get a little smaller with each child.
I suppose the argument on the other side, may very well be that I needed these changes, that I needed some kids to snap me out of my selfish ways. I’m taking comfort in the fact that this is exactly how I felt with Milly, constantly questioning if I can do this.


  1. I'm sorry you miss some of your physical aspects that make all your pieces, but I sure love the Lindy that just sits by me and talks..mostly makes me laugh!! No kids can take that awesomeness away!! Besides half the funny stories are of you and Miss Milly's silliness!!

    We love you just the way you ARE!!!

  2. It's hard, isn't it? You kind of feel like you lose yourself in being a mommy (which is awesome and difficult all at the same time). Sometimes when I feel really trapped in my house I try to remember that soon enough my kids will be old enough that I can sneak away to do things by myself again, or they'll be big enough to come along with me (without me having to pull them in a trailer). Let's try to put together a Lotoja team again (maybe next year?) and the husbands can stay home with the kiddies while the girls get out and ride :)

  3. Lindy, I feel exactly the same way. I feel like I desperately want to and try to hold on the the pieces of me, but when I try to force it too hard I feel like I am neglecting my baby and being selfish. I like your outlook of "needing" the kids to help us out of our selfish ways.

  4. It's true we do sacrifice so much for our kids, the little monkeys rule our world. There are those days that you wonder what the heck you were thinking and then out of the blue one of your little ones gives you the briefest moment of PURE TRUE JOY that can't be found anywhere else in this world and u remember why you chose them over yourself. I have to remind myself that it's only a good ten years and then I can get back to me......a dif me (stretch marks and all) but most definitely a better me. One thing I respect so much a bout you Lindy is that you have been able to hold onto some of those pieces where as I never even tried, it's just who you are and I have no doubt that you will this time around as well. Love ya girl!