Bachelor Review: Sean Episode 4

photo courtesy of msn Entertainment

My Monday night began with an underwear shot from yours truly. Wow, ABC now I’ve seen more of Sean than his 25 steady girlfriends have.

 Selma is awarded the first one-on-one of the night. They start out in a limousine, where Selma announces what she weighs to America. Thanks Selma that was important to us all. Then they hop on a private plane and end up in a desert. 

Selma is disappointed when she learns she will be rock climbing in the heat. She claims she hates the heat, feels puffy, and is not athletic. But for Sean she suppresses who she really is and gets her tiny ass up that rock. 

Tough guy Sean can barely keep up with her. Apparently his muscles are just for show.

Selma explains that in her culture it is not appropriate to kiss. However, I got the impression it was okay for all of us to see an enormous amount of cleavage while she rubs up against him. Standards, she’s got them. 

Our next portion of the program brings us to public humiliation 101, otherwise known as, a group date. The girls learn how to fall and hurt themselves in skimpy outfits and call it roller derby. 

Amanda, the scary one, she falls and smacks her chin landing herself in the ER. Don’t panic, on every season there are one or more ER vistis. You guys, it’s just part of falling in love. You could say Amanda literally FELL for Sean. 

Amanda comes back bruised up and in desperate need of sympathy. She doesn’t get it, because Tierra one-ups her as well as the bitch in the bikini. Ladies, you CANNOT mess with a girl who is named after a princess crown. 

Tierra cries and carries on to the producers, this wins her more time with Sean and a rose. You guys, princesses get shit done. 

It is on this group date where Catherine coins the term, “Tierrable.” Naturally Catherine is now my favorite.  

Now for another one-on-one this time with Leslie. Leslie and Sean go on a sort of pretty woman date. She first receives some diamond earrings, that everyone pretends Sean bought her. Then they go shopping on Rodeo Drive. She ends up with a dress, shoes, a bag and more diamonds from our very tan friend, Neil Lane. 

Leslie explains this is every little girl’s dream. I’m not sure where in my childhood I missed out on the dream of one day becoming a prostitute but apparently I’m in the minority.  

In the end he does not feel a connection with Leslie and sends her packing, but not before he has to strip her of all those diamonds adorning her neck. 

After removing the necklace I so wanted him to say, “Ya, and we need the shoes, and the bag, and the earrings and oh yeah, we’re going to need your dress as well.” Perhaps that was all done off camera. 

Our fatalities of the night include Leslie, and Amanda. 

This season’s sweetheart is AshLee and our villain is Tierra. 

Hope to see you next week for another Tierrable recap.