Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Bachelor Recap: Week 2

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First we have a one on one with Claire.

Claire says, “I know this sounds crazy but this could be the first date with my future husband.” Claire that, indeed, sounds crazy.

Juan Pablo takes her to an artificial winter wonder land. she’s wearing heels because in 25 seasons they cannot give these girls a heads up.

Claire claims she is open to being open and she wants to open her heart, and wants to let her guard down and be open. This girl is deep folks.

Claire shares her sob story in the hot tub (Yes, I know you weren’t expecting a hot tub you were really taken by surprise by that one.) So far she’s playing the game right. You HAVE to have a sob story. Mark my words.

And dun dun dun she say’s, “I’m falling for this guy.” I did NOT see that coming. And now for the private concert.

There is a recipe I’ve learned from all my bachelor watching years it goes something like this: Amazingly expensive date not planned by him, a traveling hot tub accompanying every date you go one, then a private concert and lots of making out with no talking.

The free spirit is always naked. Do you remember the guy on friends, ugly naked guy? Can we please pretty please call her, Ugly naked girl?

Next we have a  one on one with Kat. You’ll never guess how they get to their date: A private Jet.  She says she could get use to a guy who likes to surprise her. Yes honey I also could get use to ABC funding all my dates.  

They fly to SLC, UT for a fluorescent 5k at thanksgiving point. Go Utah!

Why was I not at this 5k?  I’m a fool.

There were thousands of people at this event but Kat claims it felt like they were the only two people there. The originality of this show and these people astounds me season after season after season.

Group date. I type that as if it is normal concept, and it is but usually that means a bunch of couples not a 5 on 1. Oh, this precious little show.

And of course the group date consists of a dog show photo shoot, which requires the girls to be in a bikini or less, and they all acted excited about it. I don’t get it, what am I missing?

The creative director, with the hunger games gotye, did want a naked photo shoot from a couple of them.

The first grade teacher, and lawyer girl took issue with this.

So the teacher got ugly naked girl to step in for her. Smart.

The lawyer girl lost her case and revealed it all, but you know, only because it was for charity. Her generosity is touching.

The pretty barbie looking girl, wait that describes 75% of the girls. I mean the barbie who use to be an NBA dancer reveals that she has a two year old son. So she’s safe until next week.

Victoria gets a little tipsy. Yes! After some embarrassing camera time she ends up crying in a public restroom. Thank you Victoria for reminding us what falling in love is all about. Regrettably Juan sends her home because he doesn't think she’s ready for a committed relationship. What? She seems like she’s be the best mom ever. He sends her packing before the rose ceremony.

Our fatalities for the night are: Victoria, Amy and Chantel.

Amy, the whole broadcast simile with Juan may have been your demise. Sorry honey you should have gone with a sob story or at the very least make up a fake child. I mean really.

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