Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Meet Juan


He doesn't like shirts. Already he seems like the most unique bachelor in bachelor history.

Despite that detailed introduction. Someone tell me is Juan from Desi's season (I missed that one)? Did you like him? Did he get very far?

They are really, really, really playing up the single dad bit. I’m okay when consenting adults exploiting themselves on this program, but I always feel bad for the kids. Wow that got real, I digress. 

Interestingly Juan is the first Latino bachelor, and would you believe it he looks a lot like every Caucasian male that has ever been on the bachelor. Oh abc you are so open minded.

Sean showed up on the scene to give Juan his advice. Or at least I think it was Sean he didn’t have a spray tan so I can’t be certain. Also he looked like shit. Oh come on, you were thinking it too. 

Juan wants to replace the word journey with adventure. Leave it to the guy who's second language is English to finally come up with another word.

Let’s move onto the ladies. All 27 of them, or at least the ones I can remember. 

One of the ladies went so far as to compose a fake court room and had the gaul to tell us she is an attorney. Is this like when Ashley said she was a dentist, but was actually just contemplating someday going to dental school? Lady, you can’t read one John Grisham novel, and call yourself an attorney. 

We also meet a hot single mom who loves her son and also her tan. It’s best to have a couple passions, I always say. 

Massage therapist- Crazy. 

Next we have a pediatric nurse who is so devoted to her job she talks like a third grader. 

Then we meet broken engagement girl, more on her later. 

There is a personal trainer, like who’s not?

A nursing home owner with a big heart and really big boobs.

A hairstylist who claims she is 1/8 Mexican. OMG her and Juan are join going to have SO much in common.

Now onto the limo portion of our program.

Juan shows up in a tux. A tux with a shirt, it may be the first and last shirt we see on this heartbreaker.

Blondie brought something for his daughter. Work it girl.

Nurse checks his heartbeat. How precious.

Lucy who by description is a free spirit. Another who’s job description is  Dog lover. I love how we’re explaining unemployment these day. So refreshing. 

One brought her piano. And then didn’t play so well. Classic. Why didn’t anyone bring their tap shoes or batons?

Science experiment girl. That was a doozy.

Then the girl who steps out with a bumped belly. “I know you want more kids.” Kind of funny.  

Opera singer gets the first impression rose, and didn’t act to thrilled with Juan. Probably because she seems like a normal person. Normal people never survive this show. I think I would know. 

Broken engagement girl is our token crier for the night. She sobs before even meeting Juan. Then she talks extensively about her ex. It was bad, it was real bad. 

How about the rose ceremony? The Cat and Kylie confusion. Where Kylie steps forward but he wants Cat. That was the worst! They thought the accent was cute until this little incident. 

Lucy, after receiving her rose, returned to the group in the form of a twirl. Can we get this gal a teeter totter and send her back to the third grade? 

Message therapist leaves crying. she really thought this was the one. Well that was your problem hon.

Poor Kylie. Damn the accent barrier.

Crier didn’t make it through. And would you believe it, she cried about it.

See you back here next week. For more hot tubs, crying and shirtless people. 


  1. Ha ha ha ha ha!!! Spot on Lindy! Spot on!

  2. Did you actually watch it? I can't believe you would stoup so low!