Monday, February 17, 2014

Bachelor Review: Week 7

Welcome to Miami! Oh good. I hope I can see some hot ladies in bikini's, again! This show is doing wonders for my self esteem.

Sharleen gets the first one-on-one. They hang out on a yacht, wait they make out on a yacht.

Sharleen says she longs for a cerebral connection with Juan. Oh my goodness Sharleen, have you not met Juan? He has no idea what that word means. Cerebral, what does that means?

Next we have a one-on-one with Nikki. They begin by picking out a bouquet. A bouquet for what you ask? For his daughter's dance recital.

Did that make you mad? It was like cheating. Nikki met his daughter, his parents and even his Baby Mama. He is the sleaziest! When just last week he told Clare he never even holds hands with a lady in front of his daughter. He is the worst! Wow, I just got slightly involved. I'll digress.

And what was Nikki wearing on this special date? A lingerie robe and top with daisy duke shorts? Not exactly a meet-the-parents outfit.

Later that night. He takes Nikki to his work, a baseball diamond where the Marlins play. He's a sport consultant, or maybe he's the janitor. Who cares?

Nikki and Juan play a friendly game of catch. She was wearing quite the outfit. It looked like a Marilyn Monroe top mixed with Julia Roberts skirt in Pretty Woman. It was not the kind of top you want to be playing catch in. I was nervous for her.

Sharleen decides to leave out of her own free will and choice. She mentioned to Juan on their date that she wished she was dumber, so she could go along with all this. Amen sister. Is this not what I have been telling you for years? If you are smart in any way, shape or form you will not survive. Whether it be her choice or his. This was always Sharleen's destiny.

Sharleen breaks it to Pablo. They have a whispering conversation to act like they did not want the cameras in on the fun, but we were there. We were there every step of the way. They were both in tears, but take heart it's for the best.

Next we have a group date. The ladies and Juan skip down to the beach. Juan spends some time with Clare and she fill his ears with exactly everything he wants to hear. She is good at that isn't she?

Andi is awarded the rose on the group date. Then they spend some time with each other that night. He take Andi dancing. She's a horrible dancer. Loved it.

While Andi and Pablo were salsa-ing the night away this allowed plenty of time for the ladies at the house to get in a bitch fight. And by girls I mean Nikki and Clare.

I am continually surprised that all the girls, every season, even pretend that they like each other. It's like a beauty pageant where they claim, "I've made 25 new best friends." And then when they hug one of them whip out a pair of scissors and chop the other girls locks off. You know it's that kind of stuff.

Clare and Nikki go at it for awhile. It was amazing. They are both deeply immature and therefore I'm thinking they will make it to the end.

The rose ceremony was one for the books. At one point Clare and Nikki were left alone together, which I'm sure was a fabricated situation from ABC. Thanks ABC. There was a long drone of silence between them and you could have cut the tension with a knife.

Chelsie was our goner for the night. Juan Pablo was very emotional about it. That or it was the humidity. They were in Miami after all.


  1. Who's side are you on? Clare or Nikki?

  2. Honey you know my heart lies with Andi which is why I choose Nikki. Andi and Nikki are BFFs which makes me and Nikki BFF's... However, I am in need of a hair cut so part of me has a sense of belonging to Clare who by trade is a Hair Stylist. I'm torn...